Thursday, May 1, 2008

One, two, three, four! All you say we will ignore!

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." -Mark Twain

When May Day comes around, we typically think of flowers, ribbons, and little goody baskets for the neighbors.

But there's more to it.

Known as International Workers' Day as well, the holiday celebrates the achievements of the international labor movement. It's also a commemoration of the Haymarket Massacre of 1886 in Chicago where police fired on a crowd of workers protesting for an eight-hour workday. Communists, socialists, and anarchists called dibs on the day too.

Taking in a demonstration on Boston Common today, I found out that May 1st is also a day to celebrate the art of the headstrong argument.

A crowd of about 100 people listened to city councilors, Iraq War veterans and other activists talk about the big, hot-button issue of the day: illegal immigration.

But fifty feet away was where the real action was.

On one side of the brick walkway was a group of middle aged men, dressed in red, white and blue, holding signs calling for the deportation of all illegal immigrants. On the other side of the walk was a handful of younger people, dressed like the Future Ramones of America, singing and chanting for equal rights and opportunities for everyone, no matter what.

In the middle was Officer Krupke.


I dare you to step across this line and say that.

"We're in real trouble if you're the future of our world," said one of the old boys, sporting an all-New England Patriots outfit and holding an American flag.

"You're making your parents real proud, I'll tell you that," said another.

Their opposition wasn't listening, though. They were too busy singing "This Land Was Made for You and Me."

In contrast to the American flags held by the more conservative bunch, several self-proclaimed anarchists waved plain, black flags. Off in the crowd by the gazebo, a demonstrator waved the communist flag.

"When you fly the star and sickle instead of the stars and stripes, you're trash!" shouted a man in a green Red Sox cap.

The jabs went back and forth:

"You're a Nazi."

"You were born on the moon."

"You're a racist."

"You're a disappointment to your parents."

Then came the really enlightening rhetoric.

"The Native Americans had a bad immigration policy," said the ring leader of the pro-deportation clan. "How'd that work out for them?"

This invited a slew of responses like, "You moron, you're descended from illegal immigrants," which may as well have been followed by a collective sticking out of tongues.

One "Patriot, Not Racist" asked a kid, who couldn't have been older than 16, how we doesn't support the deportation of murderers, rapists, identity thieves.

"American citizens do that too," shouted another student.

"I wasn't talking to you," Captain Justice said.

The arguments got faster and louder until everyone from both sides just put their fingers in their ears and went "la la la la la la la la."


I can't hear yooooooou!

A march ultimately began and the "radical" demonstrators walked away to the rhythm of the good ol' boys chanting "Commies Go Home!"

The icing on the cake was when I overheard an older white woman call two Latino men in business suits "liars, cheats, and thieves." (You hear it from the people of the town, they call us...)

People need to stop talking and start listening. I doubt that those old men were Nazis-- heck, their fathers probably fought them. I also doubt that the young anarchists of America hate freedom and would invite with open arms somone "who just rode 500 miles in the back of a U-HAUL truck to steal your job."

I believe that you need to truly understand the other side before you can develop real, honest opinions. If people reserved judgment and heard out all the facts and perspectives about an issue, they'd probably end up meeting in the middle, or at least amicably agreeing to disagree. All you have to do is listen.

You're an idiot if you don't believe me.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Staying the Course-- Comfortably

A few weeks ago, hundreds of people met at Copley Square in Boston for World Pillow Fight Day. From Beijing to Boise, thousands came out for some lighthearted, mano-a-pillow combat.

As I ran around, walloping everyone from little kids to middle-aged women, I wondered how it would be if all warfare were as soft and cushy.

I suspect a typical evening newscast would go something like this:

ANCHOR: A cloud of down floats low over Baghdad this evening after hours of intense fighting between insurgents and American forces. The whumps of war could be heard for miles since the early morning when enemy forces ambushed a military convoy traveling north. Several troops were injured, including Sergeant Jason Estey.

ESTEY: It was just a routine mission on a protected highway, but then they came out of nowhere. There must have been 30 or 40 of ‘em, all in camouflage pajamas. They were armed to the teeth. One of them came at me pretty hard and I caught a zipper right under my eye. I called time out, but he didn’t listen.

ANCHOR: Sources tell us troops were armed with the latest in Tempur-Pedic technology, but experts say that couch cushions beaded throw pillows still pose a legitimate threat.

Another threat to American forces and civilians in war zones is the growing number of radicals making weapons out of themselves. A handful of civilians were squished yesterday when two men, wrapped in pillows from head to foot, ran wild through a marketplace, body-slamming multiple shoppers and one shopkeeper.

In other news, several government employees are recovering this evening after a Peep bomb went off in front of the U.S. Embassy. The device, which consisted of a highly-concentrated marshmallow-sprinkle compound, went off just after 10am local time, making a very sticky mess.

According to a report by the American Medical Association, at least 12 veterans whose tours of duty ended in late 2003 have fallen ill with a mysterious disease. Common symptoms are swollen cheeks and incoherent speech. Health specialists are still trying to determine the cause of what they are now calling Chubby Bunny Syndrome.

Turning to the economy, the price of fluff broke $100 per bail today. This has reignited suspicions among consumer analysts about the practices of the nation’s leading fluff provider.

Last month, Build-a-Bear Factory Inc. posted its highest yearly profits to date—over $43 billion.

We’ll be back with more news after this commercial break.

SOLDIER: When I was a kid, I shared a bunk bed with my brother. You couldn’t really horse around on it. But now, I’m out there everyday on twins, queens, kings, even water beds. I think maybe the biggest mattress I ever saw back home cost $700 at Bob’s Discount. But this right here, this is the real deal.

VOICEOVER: Learn more at DoAmazingStuff.com

ANCHOR: Top military officials came under fire today after an investigation revealed multiple instances of alleged prisoner abuse. Allegations include the use of wet willies, pink bellies and Indian sunburns as methods of interrogation. The president issued a statement today, making one thing very clear.

PRESIDENT: The United States does not tickle torture.

ANCHOR: That does it for this evening’s newscast. We hope you’ll join us later tonight for the next chapter in our special series on the twentieth century: The Sixties: A Generation of Pez, Hugs and Self-Control.

Thank you and good night.

Welcome!

Hello all, Welcome to Underplay. My name is Sam Clarke. For two years, I've written a column for my hometown's newspaper-- the Windham Independent. The title of the column is "College Man" as it started as a biweekly look at college life. It's evolved a bit and now I'm taking my act on the road-- the Information Super Highway.

I've titled this blog "Underplay" because, as a growing writer, I've found that's the most important element in writing. Less is more.

In the spirit of that, enjoy! I'm a reporter with a sense of humor and this is my first trip in the blogosphere.

Mind if I have the window seat?